Delegating takes mindfulness about the workload, the priorities of the department, the team and the development opportunities for individuals. After all, it can be easier to just do it ourselves, right? But any manager knows this only leads to resentment and burnout, and does nothing to grow a team.

This one crucial step of delegation is the one I see most managers miss, and it leaves them wondering why delegation doesn’t work like they imagined it would! This one step makes a big difference in the results - and yes, we’re talking about those results that the manager is ultimately responsible for, even after the task is delegated.

When delegating, what happens most often is a manager looks at the workload and decides what to offload to the team. The manager then sets out to divvy up the work. However, the  step that is often missed is figuring out who is willing and able to be delegated to!  

If a person is not willing or capable - due to lack of confidence, lack of skill, or disengagement for any other reason - delegation will not be as effective and efficient. 
The person will resist, usually not overtly. It’s typically more dubious in nature - acting unsure, hesitating, unclear, unconvinced and even skeptical. Regardless, getting to the result is inefficient at the very least.

Before delegating, make sure the person is ready. Do they have the skills to do the job? Do they have the confidence and willingness? If not, delegating is not appropriate yet. They need training or coaching first.

Delegating is not abdicating responsibility. Managers are still ultimately responsible for the results, so it’s in a manager’s best interest to be mindful of a person’s readiness for delegation.

Getting to know the team is an important component - spending time one-on-one, truly being present and listening to people, and paying attention to emotions and what’s not being said will help a manager understand individuals on the team. Encouraging candid conversations, and the manager’s willingness to be transparent and vulnerable will create a culture of openness. This environment will encourage people to be candid about their strengths and limitations and be more willing to ask for help.

When a person is willing and able, and you’ve delegated the task, check-ins help keep people on track. Set the expectation upfront, and depending on the person’s experience, you can give them the responsibility for checking in.  But remember, you are still responsible for the end result so until you can trust the person to follow-through, so you might set a reminder for yourself in case they don’t.

Here are a few check-in levels you might consider when delegating:

Delegation is about more than divvying up the work; it’s about providing people with development opportunities, and freeing up your time to concentrate on more management level activities. Your delegation efforts will be rewarded if you take the time to build in these steps.

Do you have any delegation tips or questions to share? Comment below so everyone can benefit! 

PS - Check out our free resource library for a High Value Activities template to help you and your team get aligned to what's most important. And btw, this helps with deciding what to delegate and to whom!  

BONUS: Free 1-hour webinar for HR professionals and Managers of Managers on May 13 at 1-2pm ET!  Includes a free Management DiSC Assessment ($107.50 value). But hurry, space is filling up fast. Contact us via email for more information and/or to register asap!

This week has been crazy. There’s been so many people who have had ‘emergency stress’ situations. It is a full moon but come on! While the full moon may impact our behavior, I tend to think it’s what we’ve set in motion, and then find ourselves resisting, that is causing us most of our stress.

For example, if you’ve taken a C-level position that requires travel, you’re a mom of two teenagers, you enrolled in a class you take on weekends, you fired your house cleaner and didn’t replace her, you haven't been exercising, you didn’t take your car in for scheduled maintenance, you forgot to register it, and now everything seems to be falling apart. Your daughter is acting up. You don’t have time to shop for healthy food. You’re irritated with the dirty house. You're so tired. Your car’s ‘check engine’ light is on. You got stopped for speeding and didn’t have your car registered. And you’re wondering why this is all happening to you?

Yes, this is a true situation with one of my coaching clients, with some details left out (and mentioned here with permission).

The moment we start to feel overwhelmed and stressed is the moment we need to stop and look at what we’ve created. Take ownership. Until we do, we’ll feel like a victim and we’ll continue the cycle.  Some people are addicted to feeling this way, and actually play the martyr. If you sense this might be you, start by being honest with yourself. (The article I linked to above is a good place to start.)

Remember, stress happens when you resist something. We put all these things in motion, and then we resist them, or at least we resist what is currently happening as a result of the choices we made.

It’s not to say that we have created all our stress, but I’m willing to bet if you look honestly at your situation, you’ll notice you’ve created most of it. It’s been true for me, and for my coaching clients.

We can’t always accept everything. But the way we deal with the things that are happening will determine our stress level.

Whenever possible, do not resist. Accept it. Act as if you like it. Change your language around it. Tell yourself you chose it. Even if someone is bothering you with nagging words, let it in and let it flow on out. If your child is fighting you with every word, be open and accept it, like an act of love. The more you resist, the more it will persist! 

For example, consider toxic gossip at work. If you are the manager, it is important how you handle it. One technique is “feel felt found”. This creates an acceptance and a redirection. You have a direct conversation with the person who is gossiping:

 “I know how you feel, I felt that way too when I used to get frustrated. I’d spout off just to get it off my chest. But you know what? It was only making things worse. What I found is that by shifting my thoughts about it and looking for the positive, I stopped focusing so much on the negative drama. I stopped sharing this negative drama with people. I started looking for solutions. I hope you can do the same because that is the kind of workplace we have here. I’m here to help but ultimately it is your choice.”  

Remember the Dorothy Nolte poem “Children Learn What They Live.”  If this resonates with your personal life and your children, read this carefully and watch your own behavior. Become the person you need to be to parent appropriately. This will greatly reduce your stress.

If this is resonating with you in the workplace, just replace the word ‘child’ with ‘people’ in the poem. Become the leader you need to be to manage and lead successfully, and watch your stress melt away.

PS - The Get Your GRIT Together Planner is a guaranteed way to organize your life and reduce your stress. Check it out at www.Amazon.com/GRITtyStuff  

Actually, let’s start by defining what empathy is. Empathy is the ability to imagine what someone else is feeling. It doesn’t mean you feel sorry for that person. It means you can see and understand their emotions, and make a connection.

As I mentioned in a recent Forbes article, empathy helps us read people and situations, adapt accordingly, build trust and connect more effectively with others.

You’ve probably heard about emotional intelligence? It’s one of the most important - and most lacking - skills required for leadership. You might wonder why it’s lacking? One reason is because of all the polar opposite skills required for leadership - quick decision making, risk taking, visionary, etc. Who has time to empathize?

However, we all know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of someone who isn’t empathizing. And this gets us back to why empathy is so important.

Without empathy, it is almost impossible to become a leader that people want to follow. And a leader that people want to follow, rather than one they feel like they have to follow, is a more effective and efficient leader who gets exponential results through people and enjoys the role.

Most management teams I work with agree with me when we begin the discussion about the value of our people. But when we roll up our sleeves and start considering the thoughts and beliefs we have about our roles and our people, and the actual behaviors leaders are exhibiting -  they soon discover their words and actual behaviors are incongruous.

Managers say they value their people, but they often don’t show it. 

There’s no better way to show you value someone than by empathizing as you’re listening. This one act will help you connect, build trust, and it actually helps you follow through because you remember better when you’ve genuinely connected with the person. It’s true that most people just want to be acknowledged, it it's genuine of course.

For the majority of us, we just need to focus on the act of empathizing. Slow down, be mindful of someone’s emotional state, and acknowledge you’re genuinely listening. If you’re like me, when developing any habit, I need to write it down, and remind myself to do it for about 2 or 3 weeks before it sticks. (I use my GRIT planner for this.)

For a few of us, we may not naturally feel the empathy. In that case, we need to learn how to empathize. One way to start is to watch people and guess what emotion they are feeling. Next, imagine it’s you or one of your family members. What would it be like for you (or them)? Keep practicing this. If you have a hard time empathizing in the workplace, ask yourself why it would be important for you to connect with this person (this is intrinsic motivation). Remember, we don’t always love everything we need to do to be successful, but we do need to round out our skills so we have what it takes to lead effectively!

I’d love to hear in what ways you show empathy at work? Leave a comment below so everyone can benefit.

Woohoo, are you super excited for 2019? I have a feeling it's going to be your best year yet!

But don't leave it to chance. And don't risk overwhelm and/or burnout.

I'm sharing my simple and very effective 2-step Goal Setting method I use all the time. As a busy type-A entrepreneur, I have a tendency to put too much on my plate, and then I'm beating myself up for not accomplishing everything. Or, I'll get it all done, only to find I've created some collateral damage (usually in my relationships).

Don't let this happen to you. Take a few minutes before you sit down to make those 2019 resolutions and lofty goals.

The 2 step process can best be described as Flow and Go.

1) First you'll Let it Flow, capturing all your ideas of all the super cool awesome things you want to accomplish.
2) Then you'll Let it Go - you'll let go of the ideas that don't fit for you this year. You'll hone in and focus on just the ones that suite you best.

 There's an old saying used in sales that I like to apply here - KISS. Keep It Simple Sweetheart!  

For more detailed instructions - Download the 2-step Goal Setting template from the Bonus Section!

Have a safe and enjoyable New Year's Eve, and a Happy 2019!!

PS, I'd love to hear your most important goal for 2019. You can share in the comments below. (And hey, did you know by sharing it, it puts it out into the universe and good energy gets behind it!)

I have.

Sometimes because I didn't think the person would do it well enough.
Sometimes because I just didn't have the patience to train the person.

Whatever our reason for avoiding delegation, this Forbes article might help you get out of your own way.  These techniques have definitely helped me, as well as the many leaders I've worked with.

I am a member of the Forbes Coaches' Council and was selected as an expert on this panel so here's my contribution (and please click the link above for the entire article):

Treat Delegating As A Leadership Activity
Leaders who avoid delegating often are looking at it as a management activity, rather than a leadership activity. Our role as leaders is to provide learning and growth opportunities to stretch team members. If our people don't make mistakes, we're not providing challenging situations for them to learn and grow. Change your thoughts and beliefs about delegating and it will be easier to let go.

Psst if you want to become more effective with delegating, check out the Everything DiSC Management Assessment.

If Leaders had more GRIT® (not just the typical grit), it would transform our workplaces.
It would transform all of our relationships.
Heck, it would transform the world.

That's right, it’s not your typical grit. While grit is important, what I’ve noticed is some people with grit leave others in the dust!

They climb that corporate ladder, or they start that company and make a ton of money – without a genuine interest in how they affect those around them. Often this backfires later, and these leaders find that people don’t want to follow them.

With GRIT® – Generosity, Respect, Integrity and Truth – leaders combine the typical grit (perseverance, tenacity, toughness), with a respect and appreciation of the team they serve. The GRIT model results in authentic Generosity; but to get there, we start with Truth and work through Integrity and Respect. 

By the way, the GRIT® Assessment is the same content as the assessment in my Leading With GRIT® book - but it’s electronic and scores it all for you!

Don't miss our Thanksgiving Special - In the spirit of Generosity, we’re giving away some “Get Your GRIT Together®” Productivity Planners (now selling on Amazon)!

Anyone who takes the GRIT® Assessment in the month of November will be automatically entered into a drawing for a free “Get Your GRIT Together®” Productivity Planner!  And hey, be generous and pass this along if you like!

I’ll start by saying not too many people want to be "held accountable." It sounds condescending. If we change the way we say it, it will change our intentions around it. Let’s "help people stay on track!"

By the way, if you’re resisting the idea of changing your language from ‘holding someone accountable’ to ‘helping someone stay on track’, you might consider the amount of energy it will take you when they resist you holding them accountable.  People are more open and accepting when you help them stay on track. It makes your job easier. 

One of the best elements of this tool is that it actually builds trust, strengthening your manager/employee relationship, and decreases the amount of managing you have to do. It prevents issues and clarifies expectations.

Help people stay on track with our tried and true One-on-One Meetings template. Get the full instructions and the template for free in the Resource Library. You read that right – it’s free to our valued readers.

PS - Need a GREAT Employee Gift idea? Get Your Team the GRITty Stuff Planner! 

There’s one very important foundation that you can set - and it almost guarantees people’s buy in. Anyone can do it. And it doesn’t cost any money.

LAF with your staff! We created this simple acronym to help you remember these 3 foundational steps to creating an environment where people will be more accepting, they’ll buy in and get on board much faster.

Listen. Did you know that listen and silent have the same letters? As my colleague Roseanne use to say “Suck air!” Of course it takes more than just being silent. We have to be present in the moment, and be aware of emotions. Ask clarifying questions rather than making assumptions. Show the person you are listening with your non verbals. Use eye contact (don’t multi-task). Raising your eyebrows, tilting your head and slightly nodding can really show you’re interested.

Acknowledge. People want to be heard and acknowledged more than anything else. Patrick Lencioni says “people need to weigh in before they’ll buy in.” This requires more than just listening. It’s acknowledging that you heard the person. It’s showing you respect them and value their input.

Follow-Through. Following through is neglected the most. Circle back and let people know what is going on. Be proactive about it (most people don’t want to keep asking you). Even if it’s not good news, get back to people, provide status updates, check-in. It builds trust and helps people trust in you.

If you create a regular practice of LAF’ing with your team, they will be much more open and accepting of the changes you implement.

Psst - and definitely laugh with your team. It helps bond and show you’re human. 

Would you like more free resources to help lead your teams?
Come on over to our Resource Library!

Share your experiences with LAF, and/or your own buy-in techniques in the comments here.  

Aaron sat pondering over whether he should tell the team or let it go. He was pretty sure nothing was going to be affected by his mistake. And why open a can of worms and get everyone distracted. The deadline was fast approaching and the client was not going to accept a late delivery. Besides, Bob would surely have a field day with it and Aaron just wasn’t up for more of his drama.

What do you think your team members would do?

When team members don’t trust each other, they hide mistakes and weaknesses from each other. They hesitate to ask for help and they don’t offer to help other people outside of their own area. Lack of trust costs the company dearly.

Teams are grounded in trust. Without trust, there will be inefficiencies and ineffectiveness, often too difficult to source and measure. Leaders end up working on the wrong issues because they haven’t taken the time to see what the root cause is.

If you’re noticing people in your company or department or on your team not reaching out and giving each other feedback, avoiding having difficult conversations, hiding mistakes, not asking for help, running to you (the leader) tattling on other team members - you most likely have a trust issue.

Trust isn’t created overnight. It takes mindful leadership, patience and time.

What can you start doing right away to combat this? Here are five great tips that can be implemented immediately:

1) Reward people for talking about mistakes. Yep, praise them for it. Thank them for bringing it up.

2) Stop triangulated conversations. Do not participate. Help the person who is coming to you to find their voice. This is the best way you can empower your team members.

3) Be the example. Give positive and constructive feedback. Be direct and kind. Don’t mask it in sarcasm. Don’t text it or email it when it’s sensitive and you want it to make an impact.

4) Set the expectation that each team member will engage in conflict. Tell everyone you expect to see it. Be clear on what productive conflict looks like; show them examples. Also discuss what harmful conflict looks like and what will not tolerated.

5) Set collective goals with group rewards. Most organizations reward individually. This causes people to work against each other. If you want people working effectively together, give them a common vision, goal and reward.

These 5 are a great start. If you commit to this, it’s guaranteed to enhance your team, decrease your stress, and improve your company’s bottom line.

I'd love to hear what you're doing, and if you have questions, feel free to email me at Laurie@UnlimitedCoaching.com and/or share here so others can benefit as well.

Generosity doesn’t happen naturally. Toddlers don’t want to give their things away. We all naturally want to hold on to what is ours - whether it’s money, time, or our favorite shoes or other material items.

For most of us, we learn the benefits of generosity, and then we learn to give. Benefits for some people might be the way it makes them feel to give to someone. Another person might see how it comes back to them when they give. So we discover that generosity is a really good thing, right? An old chinese proverb says “If you always give, you will always have.”

Being generous not only helps us see others in a more positive light, but we feel more connected. And we actually feel better about ourselves and that attracts more into our lives.

But...does your generosity always turn out positively? No, it actually doesn’t. Because there’s a wrong way to give that can backfire.

The wrong way to give is when you go against yourself. Let’s explore that a bit.

Think about when you’ve given something, let’s say time. But you felt resentful about it. You felt like you didn’t have the time, and it took away from other things you wanted to be doing, or it wasted your time.

These kinds of thoughts produce emotions and energy counterproductive to the act of generosity. Instead of allowing the generosity to flow, it traps it, it repels it, and it turns into scarcity. That sends other energy into motion. (Remember Newton’s third law, for every action (force) in nature there is an equal and opposite reaction.)

For example, when managing people, we might resent having to take the time to help someone on our team. The emotional energy (if not the actual words) that person experiences from you causes a negative reaction. It may take a while to work it’s way back, but it usually does, wearing the mask of disloyalty, disrespect or some other “dissing”!

Whether giving an apology, providing feedback, taking time to meet with someone, train a person or help someone, giving money or anything - watch your thoughts and beliefs around it.

Do you resent the act of giving? Do you regret it? Do you feel it’s depleting you? If you feel this way when giving, it won’t have positive results. Be aware of your feelings (hint - emotions are an awesome awareness tool!). Stop and change your thoughts about it. If it’s hard to change your thoughts, this is an area for you to explore further. It may be a hindrance in other areas of your life and well worth taking the time to work through it.

If you have any quotes or sayings, or any experiences you’ve had with generosity, feel free to share so everyone can benefit!

We may even share your tips or experiences in our next webinar on July 11th at 2pm EST:  The Top 3 Habits of Extremely Productive and Truly Generous Leaders.

Cheers,
Laurie

Many of the leaders I’ve worked with have expressed that when they give, people take advantage of their generosity. 

“I give extra time to a project and the CFO expects more.”
“I allow more flexibility for the team and people take longer breaks, come in later, leave earlier.” 
“If I answer more emails on the weekend, the boss sends more emails and expects me to work on my off-hours.”

Generosity is not about feeling resentment or regretting that you gave something.  Generosity is something that needs to flow with good energy. Freely. Abundantly.
Your generosity should leave you and the recipient of your good deeds feeling fulfilled and happy.

When we feel resentful and frustrated, it stops the flow of generosity. We clam up. We don’t talk about it. It’s like this awkward conversation you just want to avoid. Many feel it will be a no-win situation to bring it up. You’ll be seen as the complainer, or the one who’s rocking the boat!   

Yet any seasoned leader knows the health of our teams depends on direct communication and productive conflict or you'll end up with a team that thrives on complaining behind your back and venting to everyone else.

These 3 steps will stop you from feeling taken advantage of - and set a much better example for your team:

1. Be more objective. Don’t take it so personally. Often, the person you feel is taking advantage doesn’t even realize it. And you’ve created this whole story in your mind about how rude he is, or how unthoughtful she is, or what a workaholic he is and his wife must be miserable with the way he works all weekend… you know those stories we create! Be aware that you’re taking it personally, and you’re probably making some things up in your mind. Just be neutral about it.

2. Be accountable. Be honest with yourself. You’ve played a role in creating this. You’ve not said no, or you’ve not been clear, or you’ve continued to reply to messages on the weekend or do the work without saying anything. That in essence is saying “yes, bring it on, I love this, I want more emails and work from you over the weekend!” Good news is, you have more control over this than you thought. It’s more about how we handle these requests than the requests themselves. (Hint - even if it appears as a demand, treat it as a request.)

3. Set clear expectations. For example, the boss sends an email on the weekend. Do you just ignore it? No. You reply “I’ll get to this first thing Monday morning, enjoy your weekend!” Or you might use auto-responder with a message that sets the expectation. If you’ve already created an expectation that you do reply to emails during your off-hours, you may need to talk face-to-face about it. “I’ve noticed I’m taking on too much over the weekend and then I feel resentful. I’ve gotta put some boundaries on emails so I’ll be holding off on answering emails until Monday morning. I didn’t want you to wonder what was going on.”  

Generosity is critical to leadership, but not without being objective, accountable and clear. The good news is, you’ll feel more in control and not taken advantage of if you exercise these tips. Plus, you’ll be helping your teams communicate with GRIT^®, using Generosity, Respect, Integrity and Truth.

Use the comment section to let us know anything else YOU do, so you don’t feel taken advantage of. Or maybe you have a question? We may even share your tips or use your questions in our next webinar on July 11th at 2pm EST: The Top 3 Habits of Extremely Productive and Truly Generous Leaders.

Cheers,
Laurie

With so much talk about grit, the question begs - how do we balance being gritty while being generous?  These two characteristics can be polar opposites. It takes focus and energy to persevere, follow through, be tenacious and stick with it. Grit is a form of (positive) selfishness. Generosity requires giving of yourself to someone else. This also takes your focus and energy, but it’s on another person.

If we do one without the other, we will get out of balance, and there will be a consequence. Neither one comes natural to all of us, and balancing them typically takes mindfulness for most of us.

The University of Notre Dame published a great article on this topic: What Makes Us Generous?

For example, if we’re gritty but not generous, we end up sacrificing some very important areas of our life - our relationships. Students might succeed in getting valedictorian, or being the highest scorer on the basketball team, but if that student neglects helping others, by sharing techniques, or listening to someone’s problem for example, they will basically stop the flow of give and take. A manager might get all the work accomplished and obtain all her career credentials, while neglecting to genuinely grow her staff, and even neglecting to build important bonds with her family.

People don’t feel the repercussion right away. They are too busy (being gritty). It’s not until they need someone or something that they notice. Later they start to see they don’t have a close friend, or a good relationship with their daughter, or their people are not loyal.

There’s an old adage “givers gain.” When we give of ourselves to help someone else - especially when we don’t expect anything in return - this energy creates a flow. When we stay open to receive, that allows others to give.

To effectively balance grit with generosity, it takes knowing and accepting ourselves, and then aligning the appropriate behaviors to stay true to ourselves. This is probably sounding familiar to many of you who’ve read my past blogs - this is GRIT^® (Generosity, Respect, Integrity and Truth)!

When we practice GRIT^®, our cup is full; our battery is charged; our truth is aligned. We feel abundant. For a leader, this means taking care of yourself - emotionally, spiritually, physically and mentally. It helps you show up whole every day. Not just physically arrive, but REALLY show up in the way you want to be there - engaged with your team with a positive attitude about what’s in front of you.

When you stay focused on the most important things to you, and work through your tasks accordingly, you’ll feel like you have enough time and energy to give to others because you are aligned appropriately. For some great tools to help with this, head on over to the Resource Library...

To get started balancing GRIT^® with generosity:

• List the 3-5 most important things for you to be happy and successful
• Then align your day, your week and your month by writing your priorities. 
• List your activities that align. 
• Schedule time to reflect each day. 
• Feel gratitude for your accomplishments. 
• Adjust accordingly.

Use the comment section to let us know how YOU maintain your grit and generosity. We may even share your tips in our next webinar on GRIT^® & Generosity on July 11th at 2pm EST:  The Top 3 Habits of Extremely Productive and Truly Generous Leaders.

Cheers,

Laurie

Over the last few weeks, we've written about our relationships with with our co-workers and with ourselves. We’ve learned that respect isn’t subject to job title or wage earned.

The integrity of our actions is what trust is based on. When people trust us, it’s a whole lot easier to respect us.

Practicing empathy and compassion is so important to earn respect - but it doesn’t work if you don’t have compassion for yourself. You will surely burn out.

We must be selfish about taking care of ourselves. This gives us capacity to be our best self for others. It recharges our battery. It gives us the energy to move forward with positive purpose.

It takes empathy and compassion to respect where a person might be, what they are experiencing, how they are feeling, and how it is impacting their behavior. Respect provides us with a more objective view of the situation. Then we can begin building trust, showing respect, and providing clarity and accountability.

Join me for part 3 of my 4-part webinar series on GRIT^®. We’ll be talking more about Respect at 2pm EST in “The Monumental Truth About Respect in the Workplace”. Topics include:

• How to practice self-respect
• How to balance taking care of yourself with helping others
• Not allowing assumptions to get in the way
• How to let go while delegating

[Note: this webinar is available for viewing in the Resource Library.]

Cheers!

Laurie

Sherry is the owner of a small company that recently acquired another company. Sherry and the previous owner, George, planned a company-wide meeting to formally transition their companies.

Sherry showed up thinking this would be a formality and a bit of a celebration. Much to her surprise, George gave her the stage and she shortly found out that none of George’s employees had been told anything about the acquisition! Can you say “awkward?!” That would be an understatement. Sherry was under the assumption that the previous owner had been talking to his employees about the sale and the transition all along.

That was the first of many uncomfortable situations. As to be expected in a situation like this, although a few employees were very positive, quite a few were highly resistant, and the rest felt like they were just thrown off a tall building and expected to land on their feet!

Sherry first called me about 6 months after the formal transition meeting. She explained that she had hoped it would work itself out. Sherry was now dealing with resistance, insubordination, inflexibility and rude behavior from a couple of people who couldn’t seem to get on board.

As we stepped back and looked at what had happened, Sherry could better understand what these people might be experiencing. Was it acceptable behavior? No. Was it intentional, or vindictive? No. It was most likely displaced anger, frustration, lack of trust and resentment.

Taking a few minutes to respect where they were, Sherry could begin to think about what she needed to do to build trust and respect. Sherry commented on how obvious it was now that she had some clarity herself. She realized that she really hadn’t been respectful of their experience at all - the whole thing had been a shock to her as well. She had been so frustrated at the lack of respect they had for her, that she couldn’t see from their point of view. Reflection is such a powerful leadership activity.

It takes empathy and compassion to respect where a person might be, what they are experiencing, how they are feeling, and how it is impacting their behavior. Once Sherry had an objective view of the situation, she stopped taking it so personally and began working on building trust, showing respect, and providing clarity and accountability.

Sherry wasn’t able to get both people on board. One person decided to leave. But Sherry felt confident she provided every opportunity for that individual and in the end, it was his decision to leave. It may have been easier for him to have a clean start somewhere else. Sherry admits she learned a great deal from the entire situation and grew immensely as a leader.

We don’t always know what to do to prevent such situations, because we’ve never experienced it before. One thing I’ve learned is the only thing that will impact the future, is what we do right now, in the present moment. We can’t go back and change what happened in the past. But we can reflect and learn from it.

In part 3 of my 4-part webinar series on GRIT^®, we’ll be talking more about Respect. Join me on June 6 at 2pm EST for The Monumental Truth About Respect in the Workplace. Topics include:

• How to practice self-respect
• How to balance taking care of yourself with helping others
• Not allowing assumptions to get in the way
• How to let go while remaining engaged

Click here to register for the webinar!

Cheers!

Laurie 

I remember messages from my step mother like “get your nose out of that book and stop being so selfish” and “It’s not all about you” and “stop feeling sorry for yourself.”  

It seemed we were chastised for anything we did for ourselves.

This taught my sisters and I to not take care of ourselves first. It has taken years to learn that it’s ok to be selfish, it’s necessary to take care of yourself first - and you can do it with consideration for others.

Yes, there is a problem when a person is selfish and never thinks of anyone else. Learning empathy and compassion is so important - but it doesn’t work if you don’t have compassion for yourself. You will self-destruct! If you don’t have self-respect, you cannot truly respect another person.

How can we be selfish and still consider others? Know yourself and be true to yourself. Here are a few ideas:

1. Know what you need. If you need 8 hours of sleep, and 30 minutes of daily alone time , make sure you get it. Commit to it. Think of how much better you will be with your children, your spouse, your co-workers, and how much healthier you will be.
2. Make sure you know when you are getting stressed. Pay attention to your emotions. What is your language telling you - both verbal and body language? Use deep breathing techniques to not lash out and say things you’ll regret. Avoid passive-aggressive language - we all know what you’re really saying, and you’re holding on to the stress. Learn to communicate authentically.
3. What do you do to keep your stress levels down? Regular workouts? Meditation? (Check out these 11 benefits for meditating!) Listen to your favorite music? Laugh with friends? Just as you make a commitment to knowing what you need to be happy and healthy, you should also know what you need to do to de-stress.  
4. Make it a habit to feed your mind with positive and loving thoughts. You get to choose what you think about, and this has a direct impact on your emotions, actions, and stress level. Subscribe to daily motivation blogs. Use a gratitude journal. (Pssst, you can get my Get Your GRIT Together Planner for gratitude journaling and so much more - get 30% off through this link).
5. Take care to eat properly, breath fresh air, and ground yourself.

Here’s the key takeaway, are you ready?

Being selfish is about recharging your own battery so you’ll have the energy to live life with positive purpose. For leaders, it’s imperative to your effectiveness with people.

Next in my 4-part webinar series on GRIT^®, I’m talking about Respect (cue Aretha’s R-E-S-P-E-C-T anthem!) Join us on June 6 at 2pm EST when we’ll talk about The Monumental Truth About Respect in the Workplace including:

• How to practice self-respect
• How to balance taking care of yourself with helping others
• Not allowing assumptions to get in the way
• How to let go

We’d love to hear how you’re selfishly taking care of you! It’s so nice of you to share - it gives others motivation and ideas. You can tweet me, comment on my Facebook or LinkedIn post, comment here on my blog or email me.

Cheers!

Laurie 

We earn respect through our actions. We can’t force it, and we can’t demand it.

Respect starts inside - respecting ourselves first. That’s why we begin the GRIT^® (Generosity, Respect, Integrity and Truth) model with Truth and Integrity. By knowing and accepting ourselves, and being true to ourselves, we’re practicing self-respect.

If you’re constantly looking for respect, it may be time to hold up that mirror. Are you showing respect to others? Are you respecting yourself?

This is how the GRIT^® model can help us be mindful. It’s all about our actions. Are we walking the talk? Are we respecting ourselves, so that others can respect us?

If you’re going against yourself with your actions, that’s not showing respect. You’re abusing yourself. You say your family is the most important thing yet you don’t stay present when you’re with them. Or you pick work over an important family commitment. Maybe you give your child a consequence but you don’t follow through on it. Perhaps it’s a promise you’ve made and time after time you don’t deliver. As a manager, perhaps you aren’t listening and following through with people. Or maybe you’re doing all the work yourself because it’s easier and you know it will get done right.

The integrity of our actions is what trust is based on. When people trust us, it’s a whole lot easier to respect us. These 4 Simple Steps for Managers to Gain Trust in Their People have helpful tips on this topic.

Try this exercise: Take a moment right now to reflect on what you might need to focus on in your life to create more respect for yourself - or others.

Write those reflections down. Let them flow.

Then think them through and see what you can learn from them.

When you find the area in your life that needs more respect, be mindful of what a misalignment in this area could be impacting.

The GRIT^® model provides a roadmap - and it also acts as a great reflection tool. If you’re not respecting yourself or others, you can trace it back to integrity and/or truth. The cool thing is, you can make an adjustment and get right back on track.

Cheers,

Laurie

One of the most important elements in the workplace is trust. And we all know it typically takes a lot longer to build trust than it does to lose it!

In last week’s blog we talked about how trust creates efficiency. It’s important for quality and creativity and so much more.

In today’s webinar, we’re honing in on integrity, and how your integrity will create trust - both from a reliability perspective and a connection-bonding-got-your-back kind of way.

Knowing what’s most important to your team and to the organization, and connecting those dots will go a long way in aligning the team. And yes, this creates trust. People trust in you. They feel confident that you have a clear direction.

When the manager also has her High Value Activities (HVAs) clarified and transparent, this helps her walk the talk. Yep, another act of integrity that builds trust.

A manager who considers each team member and what’s important to them (their truth) will be able to help connect people to the department and organizational vision and goals. You guessed it! That’s another act of integrity that strengthens trust.

Taking it to the level of working with each team member to create their HVAs while helping them be mindful of how it all connects to them personally and to the organization is the key to creating direction, efficiency and quality.

These acts of integrity build upon each other. And combined, they create an energy that propels people to action - not because they have to, but because they want to.

Please join me at my webinar TODAY, APRIL 30TH AT 2PM, for How to Build Trust with Integrity in the Workplace  - GRIT^® Series Part 2.  

We’ll be exploring integrity, including:

• How to make choices that align to your priorities
• Ways of dealing with competing priorities
• Aligning our teams to what is most important in your organization

I have a wide range of products available to help leaders be better leaders, including Patrick Lencioni’s Five Behaviors Assessment and Program and many more.  Just shoot me an email to get in touch and we can schedule you a 15-min call to assess your needs.

Cheers,

Laurie 

Suzanne was known for running around the office with her hands in everything. People were irritated by it. Her boss was entirely frustrated with it. Suzanne would say she was making connections and helping her team, but in reality, she was pointing out negatives and getting in the way.

Her ego was getting in the way, thinking she had to be the go-to person and nothing would turn out right without her catching everyone’s mistakes and closely watching everything.  

Trust is the foundation to good relationships, but do you know how many other things it impacts in your organization?

It affects the efficiency of the team.

It impacts creativity.

Quality is impacted.

Engagement is much lower.

It creates silos and turf wars.

It divides the team.

Suzanne and I met during a leadership program I was facilitating for her company. She approached me after class one day and told me she’d been spoken to about her lack of trust in her team. She admitted that now she was starting to see what she was doing and the message it was sending.

With permission from her boss, we worked together for about 3 months with my 1-on-1 coaching system. She wanted to do the right thing now that she was aware and realized the impact it was having.

It didn’t take Suzanne long to change those habits. It wasn’t easy, but she was dedicated and she also got others involved by giving them permission to tell her when she was “meddling.” They all lightened up about the matter and it made it that much easier to help Suzanne. Suzanne worked on all 4 of the steps below, but the most work for her was in step 4.

These are 4 simple steps you can take immediately to start building trust:

1. Connect. Make eye contact. Be in the present moment with them. This is powerful and very under-rated. There is a pureness, a genuineness, a connectedness that helps people feel truly valued.
2. Be transparent. Share things so people understand the why, the bigger picture, the effects. Be your genuine self - it is the most attractive thing you can do. People believe in and trust people they admire.
3. Be vulnerable. Be human. Be real.  Share your trials and tribulations. Help others see that it’s ok to make mistakes or feel angry. And help them see how you deal with mistakes, how you learn and grow from each experience.
4. Let go. Give people the opportunity to be trusted. Let them make mistakes and learn from them. Be there to support them, not condemn them.

I have a wide range of products available to help leaders be better leaders, and they’re adaptable to your needs. Just shoot me an email to get in touch and we can schedule you a 15-minute call to assess your needs.

And please join me at my next webinar, How to Build Trust with Integrity in the Workplace  - GRIT^® Series Part 2 on Wednesday, May 2 at 2pm. Register to join us!  Or, read more on this topic in Chapter 3 of my book, Leading with GRIT^®.

Cheers,

Laurie

At a conference last week one of the speakers drove the message home that the most focused entrepreneur will win the day. I believe that to be true about any role – a leader, a parent, a musician. There are so many things that grab our attention. The challenge is staying focused.

The message came from a health and wellness guy, Dr. Anthony Balduzzi. He showed us ways to take care of our brains and bodies so we could go the distance. This is such an important part of aligning to our truth (integrity) and respecting ourselves (GRIT^®).

Dr. Balduzzi had his own “why” that keeps him focused on helping others. He watched his father’s lifestyle deteriorate his health and cause his death. He lost his father at a very young age and this has inspired him to help others live healthy lives.

Without awareness, we won’t feel empowered to make a difference in our own lives. With awareness, we’ll know what’s driving our actions, and it will help align us to our truth. Then we can choose where to focus our attention, as the Triangle of Intent illustrates.

Intent can be looked at as your life force or life purpose, and it can also be viewed as what drives you in this single moment (which, of course, is linked to your life purpose).
But even when you don’t know your life purpose, you can look at your intent in any moment and align it positively rather than negatively. Just ask yourself,  “Why am I doing this? Is it helpful or harmful?”

Keep in mind that intent is internal, and people may not be aware of your intent; they only see your behavior. We judge each other on behavior, not on intent. “The road to hell is paved with good intentions” - something I remember hearing growing up - means we have to put it to action or it’s useless.

With awareness, we can take mindful actions that align appropriately with our intent.
If a manager’s intent is to help their people, and that manager believes that delegating work to an employee helps that person learn and develop, that manager won’t hold on to too much work. She won’t deny her people the opportunity. She will give the appropriate tasks to the appropriate people and not victimize herself by taking it all on.

When we pay attention to the frustration we are feeling, we can reflect inward to see where our intent is, realizing that if we do hold on to that work, we will not be in alignment with our truth. It’s not helping either one of us. The good news is that it only takes practice in awareness to look objectively, understand where our intent is, and shift it if necessary. Like anything else—learning to walk, swim, play the guitar, be a great leader—we need to focus on it, and do it.

It’s powerful to be able to choose where to focus our attention. Where will you focus yours?

There’s more on this topic in Chapter 3 of my book, Leading with GRIT^®. You can also join me at my next webinar, How to Build Trust with Integrity in the Workplace  - GRIT^® Series Part 2 on Wednesday, May 2 at 2pm.

Cheers,

Laurie

It’s not easy to stay aligned to your priorities. You start the day out right with a list of your top 3 to 5 priorities, you might even schedule them i nto your calendar, and then WHAM- something comes up you didn’t plan for, or a great opportunity comes in via email, or SQUIRREL… you’re distracted by a text, an email, a phone call, a thought, a person, an ad or any number of things that flood our attention span.

Last month’s webinar and blog theme were all about the first element in GRIT^® - Truth. Knowing and accepting ourselves is the foundation to alignment. We have to first know what’s important to us. Integrity is the second element of GRIT^® and it’s all about aligning to your truth.  

The most successful people are diligent with integrity, because they know it affects their reputation, their relationships, their health, their finances - pretty much their whole lives.

Let’s take a look at what the most successful people know about integrity and aligning to their truth. 

• Make choices that keep us whole. The most successful people stay mindful of their truth so they know what choices to make. They say yes to what aligns to their priorities and passions, and they say no to what doesn’t align. They work with their strengths, work on important skills that need building, and delegate tasks that don’t make sense for them to be doing.
• Set goals that don’t compete with priorities. Successful leaders look at the big picture and consider all areas of their life. When setting a goal for their career or their personal life, for example, they don’t make that in a silo. They think about their family, their job, their finances, their health and any other area they’ve identified as a priority or passion. This ensures they remain balanced and productive, not burning out or causing relationship and reputation problems.
• It’s not about being perfect. The most successful leaders understand you do your best, but you know there will be times you are not in integrity. We all make mistakes. This can be the best learning opportunity we have. They don’t hesitate and over analyze - they get right to it, because they know what’s important and it brings clarity and focus.

When you stay aligned with your priorities, you are living in integrity. This creates trust. Other people will believe in what you say. They will rely on you. They’ll not question or hesitate when you ask them to do something. They’ll feel that you have their back.

What are some of your best practices for staying aligned? Let us know in the comments, and we’ll share them in our next webinar on How to Build Trust with Integrity in the Workplace  - GRIT^® Series Part 2 on Wednesday, May 2 at 2pm.


Cheers,

Laurie 

Too often, we’re sabotaging ourselves, choosing the wrong partner, the wrong workplace, the wrong food… wondering why we’re sick, why we’re not satisfied with our lives, and why some of us are quite miserable!

Led Zeppelin said it best: “Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run, there's still time to change the road you're on.”  

There are many paths to finding our truth, and I couldn’t agree more with Zeppelin that there’s still time to change the road we’re on! Which road you take is your choice.

One of my fundamental beliefs is that we are all here on a journey. Everyone’s journey is different. It is about learning and growing and enjoying life. In its simplest form, our quest is to be happy, hence the old adage, “enjoy the journey.”

It is almost impossible to be truly happy long term without being true to yourself. In order to be true, we first have to know and accept ourselves. Not only is this the core of leadership, but it’s the foundation of a happy, successful life.

So, how do we find our truth?  Some of us might take the long bumpy road, while others might skip down Simple Street. There are so many opportunities for us to become aware of ourselves and live in alignment with what we want.

But before we get into how to mindfully find our truth, let’s be clear that on this journey, we may discover we’re not aligned with what we really want. And hey, it’s not always enjoyable when we discover our misalignments. Often, that’s when those undesirable things happen. Why do you think people have mid-life crises, love affairs, and workplace scandals?  

In a matter of 3 months, I quit my job, got separated and moved. I was completely out of alignment and although I didn’t recognize it as that over 20 years ago, it is clear to me now. Since then I’ve been able to recognize the misalignments and course-correct faster.

Knowing it’s a journey helps us give up the quest for perfection. In fact, maybe just accept that you’re perfect right now, just like every tree, every dog, every stone is perfect. It doesn’t mean you won’t grow and change. Accepting yourself is critical to being true to yourself and finding that happiness.

We may decide we want to make a change. That’s what happened to me when I realized the life I was living was just not good for me. It didn’t make me happy. It wasn’t who I was. I can’t say that I was fully accepting myself at the time - I didn’t even know myself! The journey has led to that, and the decision to make a change was the beginning.

But it’s not always a conscious decision we make. Tragedies can serve as wake-up calls, inspiring us to do something differently, treat someone special, live life to the fullest.

Other times I’d learn easily by watching someone else mess up. There were opportunities everywhere. And here’s the good news - we don’t have to wait for a tragedy or misery. If you’re not satisfied with your life, it’s a great time for self-reflection.

A few ways to mindfully search for your truth and alignment:

• Yoga and meditation Sadhguru has some good guided meditation, as does Louise Hay and Deepak Chopra
• Books  
  -  The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, Mark Manson
  -  Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz
  -  The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho
  -  Way of the Peaceful Warrior, Dan Millman
• Retreats  - sources
  -  Don Miguel Ruiz and sons offer some great workshops and retreats. This one at Omega in Rhinebeck NY looks great, I might attend this one!
• Journaling   - sources for gratitude journaling, etc.
  -  Marie Forleo says gratitude is the number 1 supertool that can transform your life!
  -  Why Keep a Journal with Robin Sharma, good stuff!  (Hint, dopamine - and happiness
• Create your vision board and high-value activities for your life. This helps explore your truth and align appropriately - without setting competing goals for yourself, like working so hard in one area and sacrificing another.
  -  A few tips from Jack Canfield on Vision Boards

We would love to hear what you do to “find your truth”.  Pssst - you may not have known you were finding your truth at the time!

Join us April 3 at 2pm EST for The Powerful Truth of Leadership - GRIT^® Series Part 1.

Cheers,

Laurie 

Our expressed self may not always be aligned with our true self, or our Truth as we refer to it in the GRIT^® model. Sometimes our ego may feel an unnecessary need to protect us, and that’s typically when our ego gets in the way.

How do you know when your ego interferes with your Truth? Here are a few signs that could mean your ego is in the way:

• Do you constantly compare yourself to others, rather than focus on being the best “you” and being happy?
• If someone else is getting attention, do you redirect the attention to yourself? (I was recently sharing about my grandson and the person I was talking to actually said how good he was at the same task. It took me off guard at first, but then I realized, he was redirecting the attention to himself.)
• Are you frequently on the defense, feeling like you’ve got to protect and defend your ideas, your reasoning, your decisions, maybe even your life?
• Do you find yourself making sure everyone knows how funny you are, how smart you are, how cool you are, or bragging about your inventions, accomplishments, ideas, friends?
• Do you secretly think you’re smarter and can control the situation, perhaps you’re a master at manipulating the scene?
• Does it seem like others don’t recognize your value enough, so you have to speak up and even demand the recognition and appreciation, maybe to the point where you feel like you have to in most areas of your life?
• Do you feel jealous and envious when other people succeed, rather than inspired and happy for them?
• Do you think of everyone else when you read these and you haven’t considered that you might be guilty of one or two of these at times?

Our ego has an interesting impact on our perception of our truth, causing us sometimes to feel too self-assured. For example, you might think you already know something, you attach to that, and then it’s very difficult to remain open to other possibilities. This has been a tough one for me, and the stubbornness of holding on didn’t serve me well in the past.

Our ego can also cause us to not feel assured enough. In this case, you might keep second-guessing yourself, or maybe you over-protect yourself. I remember feeling this way when I was a young female on an all-male more senior team. During casual conversation, if my peer said I was wrong with a fact, whether it was song lyrics or some other trivia, I would second guess myself and think maybe I didn't know. I would too easily back away from it, saying “maybe I’m not right on that” rather than say something like “I’m fairly certain, let’s check it.”  

Ego can end up disguised as disrespect or some other counterproductive behavior. Most people don’t even realize when their ego kicks in to defend them, and people on the receiving end usually perceive it as mean-hearted, condescending, self-centered, and, yes, egotistical!

Similar to what motivates people to lie, the ego is being manipulated by that same four-letter F-word—fear! These fears can put the ego in overdrive. Our expressed self can be miles apart from our Truth.

Emotions can trigger awareness, giving us the opportunity to explore what’s driving our actions. Fear is useful, and we shouldn’t deny or ignore it. We can put fear in its place—respect it—and be thankful for the awareness. 

If we acknowledge our ego is there and admit what it might be doing, we can prevent it from getting in the way of our truth.

Cheers,

Laurie

You can probably remember when you were young, you were constantly told what you should and shouldn’t believe by your parents, teachers, and other role models. Most of us didn’t question it, and if we did, we were probably quickly put in our place, or given an answer that wasn’t arguable.

We were like little tape recorders, and a lot of those messages we received while growing up stuck with us. Those messages shaped our thoughts and beliefs and our behavior.

When I was growing up, I heard things like “You’ve got to work really hard to make a good living” and “All people who are rich are greedy.” Some of these things continued to be voices in my head for a very long time - and some remnants still exist!

It can be pretty comical when you start to listen to the voices in your own head. I think some of mine were certifiably crazy! Why would we say those things to ourselves? Well, we most likely attached to it subconsciously, storing it on our tape recorder—usually without even thinking about it. You may have seen it in children who imitate mom and dad with their words, behaviors, and even emotions.

Years ago, I volunteered to help teach entrepreneurial skills for an inner-city youth program. It took awhile for the students to warm up to me, but once they did, they openly shared their passions and their talents. I had so much fun learning about each one of them!

We started talking about turning some of those passions into goals, creating a better life for ourselves. I learned so much in that conversation with these kids.

Obviously there would be some lack of confidence and maybe a little disbelief to deal with, but I always thought it was a no brainer, of course they’d jump on the chance to do better. I learned just how deep emotions can affect us.

My students confessed that if they left and created a better life, it would be like dissing their families. One boy said he was sure his older brother would think he didn’t love him if he left.  

These students had watched other family members leave, either never to return, or at odds if they did. They were talked about as if they were selfish and thought they were better than everyone else. To stay connected, to feel loved, these kids felt they couldn’t leave and become someone else.

Over the next few weeks, I worked with the students to question our thoughts and beliefs. And we talked about awareness, love, and choices. They agreed that maybe they could do it differently than the others before them. Maybe there was a way to be true to themselves and stay connected with the families they loved.

We all need to question our beliefs and realize where they came from. Ask yourself, does that thought serve me in a positive way? Is there something emotional attaching me to that belief? We need to keep challenging our thoughts and beliefs to discover and remain true to ourselves.

Our self-esteem, patience, confidence and courage are in direct correlation with our truth, and those same attributes are paramount to leadership. When we know and accept our truth, we will set the example with a perfect mix of confidence and humility.  We will see things more objectively and our intent will be to help the people on our team, rather than be irritated and angered.

Think of how freeing it is when you realize those were not your original thoughts or beliefs or emotions. Nor do they define you. You get to choose. That’s when you can begin to find your own Truth. That’s when you can rebel and disrupt and find who you really are!

Over the next few months, we’ll be featuring each component of the GRIT^® model: Generosity, Respect, Integrity and Truth in a series of free webinars. Because it all starts with our Truth, that’s where we’ll begin too!

Join us April 3 at 2pm EST for The Powerful Truth of Leadership - GRIT^® Series Part 1.

Stay tuned next week to learn how to prevent your ego from interfering with your truth!  

Cheers,

Laurie

Working with managers and executives throughout the years and in my own personal experiences, the one thing I’ve noticed that we all have control over, is the one thing that we seem to mess up the most.

We all have this tool that would make our life so much easier and produce much better quality, but we don’t ever learn to use that tool properly so we end up misusing and abusing it, or avoiding it altogether.

Whether it’s having critical conversations, or telling someone you care about them - communicating with GRIT^® will make a profound difference.

GRIT^® stands for generosity, respect, integrity and truth. When we communicate with GRIT®, we’re communicating authentically, with courage and with good intent. We respect others, and we want to give, whether it’s feedback to help the person learn and grow, or appreciation to help them stay aligned and on track. The only way to give authentically - to create true generosity - is to begin with your own truth. 

How we feel about ourselves and the world around us influences the way we communicate. If our ego is trying to protect us, we won’t be authentic. If we’re fearful, we’ll hold back on what we need to say, or lash out with harsh words. If we’re not clear with what is important to us (our Truth), we won’t be mindful of the quality of our conversations.

Join us today at 2pm to discover How to Communicate with GRIT® and learn:

• How our thoughts and beliefs influence our emotions, words and actions, and how to make a shift
• Habits we’ve picked up and what it takes to change them
• Staying true to who you are and not letting people and situations push your buttons
• Staying focused on generosity in a way that fuels you rather than drains you

The Work of Leaders tool encourages leaders to understand their own leadership behaviors and how they impact their effectiveness. The tool draws upon over 30 years of leadership research and provides leaders with an opportunity to discover their natural leadership strengths and areas that might need more attention.

Cheers,
Laurie